Here are some superheroes and villains that probably should not go to the movies:
- Squirrel Girl - I don't really need to elaborate on this one but I will. She was introduced alongside Iron Man in the comics. First, she tries to impress Iron Man so he will team up with her but fails in doing so (big surprise), but then Dr. Doom comes out of nowhere, captures Iron Man in a large ship, and Squirrel Girl summons the deadly force of every squirrel in the area to attack the ship until Dr. Doom concedes. I admit that a controlled pack of hundreds of squirrels coming at me would scare the hell out of me, but the "coolness" factor of squirrels is pretty low.
- Calculator - I know, I know...the mere name makes me shake in my boots too. I'll cut some slack to DC Comics considering this character was created soon after the pocket calculator was created, but I don't see any evil iPhone supervillains popping up nowadays. The ability of this character is pretty impressive: through a computer in his suit, he can predict the actions of anyone or anything. The downfall: his suit looks like a giant calculator. Nerd Alert! Unsurprisingly, when he made a small comeback in 2004, his suit had been retired.
- Looter - The stupidity of this character has to be intentional. An unsuccessful scientist, Norton G. Fester stumbled upon a meteor that had crashed into earth, and after studying the meteor, a pocket of meteor gas gave him his super-strength. It wasn't a constant power though - he needed to find more meteor gas in order to keep his powers. First of all, I'm pretty sure "meteor gas" doesn't exist. Second of all, basing your powers on being able to find something as rare as "meteor gas" is bound to fail - it's like driving a plutonium-powered time machine.
- Aquaman - If you're a fan of the show Entourage, you probably know that Vince lands a role playing Aquaman in a film. The intent was that they could portray him as an actor landing a hit role in a superhero film...without showing the actual film. Because I don't care if you're Brad Pitt...you ain't lookin' cool in a mer-man costume.
- Ruckus - The only cool things about this guy are that one of his partners in crime was called Ramrod and his song could be "Bring da Ruckus" by Wu-Tang Clan. Other than that, he'd just be really annoying because his power is the ability to absorb surrounding sound waves and send them back with force. A guy that yells so loud that it hurts...nobody wants to watch that.
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1 comment:
well let's see if we can make these characters a little cooler and more movie-ready.
1. Squirrel Girl - squirrels may not be cool but what if it was chipmunks, rats, mice, or any large rodents like beavers and muskrats? Maybe if they just called her Rodent, then she would be able to control all of the above. (at a young age, she could look mousy, and only be able to control the mice in her house, and people would of course call her a rat instead of her preferred nickname "mouse")
2. Calculator - How about we call him "The Count", which still has the geeky computer idea, but it's kind of hidden behind a powerful name. Of course the suit would have to change, maybe similar to the Riddler, have a whole bunch of random numbers all over his outfit.
3. Looter - well I don't have much in the way of helping this guy out, I think he's S.O.L.... although I wonder what exactly is in meteor gas that helps him, and maybe that molecule could be more available here on earth without meteors. (btw, if you google "meteor gas" your blog comes up 7th out of over 300! haha)
4. Aquaman - I never really read any comics about him, so I don't know his whole deal, but he was in a few episodes of Smallville (the young Clark Kent), and he looked just like a normal person, just was able to breathe underwater, swim really fast, and do cool things with the water when he was in it. If he became dehydrated on land, he would slowly die until he gets a drink of water. Pretty neat if you ask me!
5. Ruckus - this could be neat if he sent back the sound waves as another form of energy, like a shock wave or something. if you remember X3, the one villain had a sort of shock wave clap thing that he did. perhaps this was a modification of this Ruckus you speak of?
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