Oscar Predictions

This Sunday is the broadcast of the 82nd Oscars, the premiere award event for film, presented this year by Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. It will be the first year in a long time that there are 10 nominations for best film and I've seen all of them except Up in the Air. Based on the 9 I've seen, I think this has been a great year in film to bring back 10 nominations. It's safe to say that, like it or not, Avatar, with its 9 nominations, will probably clean up. I just hope it doesn't cast a shadow over the other deserving nominations.

Here are my predictions for who/what will win in this year's categories:

- Best Picture: Avatar. Most people are thinking it's between this and The Hurt Locker but I think District 9 should get more credit here. Because it was freakin' awesome. What they should do is make an exception and enter director Kathryn Bigelow's Point Break instead of The Hurt Locker and just let it win everything.

- Actor in a Leading Role: Tough call here...especially since I haven't seen any of these films yet. I'm between Jeff Bridges, Colin Firth and Morgan Freeman. Interestingly, both Bridges and Freeman have been nominated 5 times between leading and supporting role...Freeman has won once for supporting...and this is Colin Firth's first nomination. Based on that, I'm narrowing it down to between Jeff Bridges and Colin Firth and saying that Colin Firth wins it.

- Actor in a Supporting Role: Another tough call since I've only seen one of these films (Inglorious Basterds). Christoph Waltz was fantastic in that role and I'd love to see him win but I'm thinking this goes to either Matt Damon or Woody Harrelson. Damon has one win under his belt for writing Good Will Hunting and I'm thinking he's picking up his second here.

- Actress in a Leading Role: I've seen all of these roles except Helen Mirren's. Sandra Bullock was surprisingly good in The Blind Side but it's easy to be surprised considering her past acting gigs. Meryl Streep did an amazing job as Julia Child but I'm going out on a limb and saying that Carey Mulligan steals this one.

- Actress in a Supporting Role: I've only seen one of these roles: Mo'Nique in Precious. And she deserves this win. I think she'll take it.

- Animated Feature Film: Don't yell at me, but I think Up is a little bit overrated. That said, it's the only nomination I've seen and considering all the buzz about it, it's safe to say that it will win.

- Art Direction: Avatar

- Cinematography: The Hurt Locker

- Costume Design: Straight up guess on this one, but it seems whenever there's a Victorian-era British nominee, it wins...so I'll say The Young Victoria.

- Directing: Here's the tough call of the night...James Cameron or Kathryn Bigelow? I'm hoping Kathryn Bigelow but thinking it will be James Cameron.

- Documentary Feature: I've seen 2 of these, The Cove and Food Inc. I'd be happy seeing either of them win but think that considering the lengths that the crew went to in The Cove, that it should win.

- Film Editing: District 9 deserves to win something and I think this is probably the one it could take.

- Music (Original Score): Avatar

- Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker

- Sound Mixing: Avatar

- Visual Effects: Avatar

- Writing (Adapted Screenplay): I'm torn here. I like Nick Hornby's writing style (An Education) but I don't think it will win here. District 9 is one hell of a screenplay but I'm thinking Up in the Air might steal it.

- Writing (Original Screenplay): Give it to Tarantino!! Personal favorite aside, Tarantino knows how to write dialogue and I think he'll take this one unless the Academy gets all snooty about his violence. We'll see.

Enjoy the show...let me know if you agree/disagree.

March 2010 Movies

Well it's Oscar season. Nominees are preparing speeches, picking our their outfits and if you're James Cameron, probably clearing off some shelf space. But I'll get to my Oscar picks tomorrow. For now, I'd like to dive into the new films coming out this month. There's a rather eclectic collection of films coming out this month and here are my impressions...

What to see:

Alice in Wonderland (Mar. 5) - The release of the month. People have been excited about this for a long time and rightly so because Tim Burton and a hallucinogenic-like fairytale go together like (cue the Forrest Gump voice) peas and carrots. Stoners across the country are preparing for their minds to be blown as this movie is being released in 3D. I have to admit that Johnny Depp as a kooky character (like in Willy Wonka) is a little weird to me but I trust the judgment of the long-associated pair of Depp and Burton.

Green Zone (Mar. 12) - At first, I thought this might be part of the Bourne series since it's Matt Damon playing a Jason Bourne-like character and it's directed by Paul Greengrass who directed those movies. But it's not. Nonetheless, the two have obviously worked well together in the rogue agent action setting. I won't rush to the theater for this one but I'm sure it'll be entertaining.

Greenberg (Mar. 19) - [Insert corny "green" subliminal St. Pat's Day joke] Yes, another similar sounding film but certainly much different. The first thing that attracted me to this comedy starring Ben Stiller was that it's written and directed by a brilliantly talented man named Noah Baumbach, who wrote such films as The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The Squid & The Whale and the recent Fantastic Mr. Fox (obviously a friend/partner of Wes Anderson). In the same style, this looks like another dry, intelligent comedy about Ben Stiller figuring out what to do with his life. Plus the music is done by James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Mar. 19) - Can't say much about this because I haven't read the book yet but it's been a hugely popular bestseller from the late author Stieg Larsson, who left this as the first in a trilogy of books.

The Runaways (Mar. 19) - I'd be a little more hesitant about this film, based on the all-female rock group that formed in the 70's and grew in popularity despite their lack of a y chromosome, however, this film received good reviews at Sundance and personally, I'd hate to see a film based on a rock group fail. Apparently Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning have great performances and best of all, it's directed by artist Floria Sigismondi who has created such dark works as the video for Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People."

On the fence:

She's Out of My League (Mar. 12) - It's just really hard to tell how a comedy will do based on trailers these days. Based on seeing this trailer, I'd say it'll bomb. However, it's written by the 2 guys who wrote Sex Drive, which I also thought looked dumb when I saw the trailer but turned out to be pretty funny. I'll wait for DVD on this one.

Hot Tub Time Machine (Mar. 26) - See above...written by the same guys. Between the two, I guess I'd vote for this one. It'd be difficult to top this as the dumbest movie title of the year but I'm really pulling for Craig Robinson because he's funny as hell but hasn't had a breakthrough lead role yet.

Repo Men (Mar. 19) - Not sure if this has any relation to Repo Man starring Emilio Estevez. Haven't read much about this release in general actually. What I do know is that the director and writers don't have a lot under their belt so it's hard to judge how Jude Law and Forest Whitaker will team up. However, RZA is in the cast so that's automatic points right there. Plus, they've put out some pretty sweet posters for this film (click right).

No Thanks:

Brooklyn's Finest - Believe me, I'd love for Wesley Snipes to get back on the scene with a bang, but I don't think it'll happen despite the fact that he's accompanied by Don Cheadle, Richard Gere and Ethan Hawke. It's directed by Antoine Fuqua, of Training Day fame. Training Day was decent, but definitely overrated and it's been the highlight of his directing career (his other films include Tears of the Sun, King Arthur and Shooter).

Summer Movies - August 09

Slow down summer!! It feels like I just posted about June movies, but today is the last day of July and so one last month of summer blockbusters are coming our way. I previously mentioned that I'd be posting only for this summer's movies, but I think I'll be extending this posting trend every month from now on. So what do we have to look forward to in August? I think it's overall the best month this summer in terms of releases. Let's see...

My top picks (yes, there are a lot)

-Paper Heart (Aug. 7) - Michael Cera has a pretty good filmography so far and it'll be interesting to see the other lead of this movie, Charlyne Yi. She had a couple of the best lines in Knocked Up, but she's not playing a whacked-out stoner in this movie...she's playing a love-skeptic. And I think there'll be a lot of fun cameos in this one too.
-Julie & Julia (Aug. 7) - I probably won't rush out to see this one but you can definitely tell that it's going to be good. Meryl Streep is obviously very talented and Amy Adams is definitely making a name for herself.

-The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (Aug. 14) - People will go see this solely because Jeremy Piven has created one of the best personas in TV history. Jeremy Piven plays a blue-collar Ari Gold in this one with a backup of other comedic actors. I hope and truly think that this will be better than The Hangover.
-The Final Destination (Aug. 14) - This is in my top picks solely because it'll be in 3D. I've yet to see a 3-D movie outside of Disney world. Grotesque death scenes in 3 dimensions is worth paying 9 bucks for.
-It Might Get Loud (Aug. 21) - This one probably won't be showing near me unfortunately, but it looks interesting. It's a documentary (by the director of An Inconvenient Truth) about Jack White, The Edge and Jimmy Page, their guitar styles and a get together that they have.

-Inglourious Basterds (Aug. 21) - You either love or hate Tarantino. I love him. I'll go see his movie even if I don't see a trailer for it (which is unfortunately almost unavoidable). Love him or hate him, you gotta love the premise: a troop of Jewish men killing Nazis in WWII.
-Five Minutes of Heaven (Aug. 21) - Liam Neeson is a badass. This story is badass. Enough said.
-The Marc Pease Experience (Aug. 21) - I have not heard nor seen anything about this movie yet, but it stars Ben Stiller and Jason Schwartzman and Schwartzman plays a guy 8 years out of school who is living in the past when he was a high school musical star. It's a bit reminiscent of the characteristics of Max Fischer, Schwartzman's character in Rushmore.
-Taking Woodstock (Aug. 28) - It's about time they made a movie about Woodstock (aside from the documentary). Woodstock is a magical piece of history, for people who lived through it, went to it and even people like me who weren't even born yet. And Demetri Martin is cool.
-H2 (Aug. 28) - Kind of like Tarantino, people probably either love or hate Rob Zombie. I love him. I was generally pretty pleased by the first Halloween remake he did so I'm looking forward to this one.

On the cusp:

-A Perfect Getaway (Aug. 7) - Weird casting. Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich? As a couple? It's a thriller about a honeymoon couple (Steve and Milla) who get dropped off on a tropical island to go backpacking and run into some trouble via 4 other people. It looks like Steve and Milla might throw down in this movie, so it could be entertaining.

-GI Joe (Aug. 7) - I just get the feeling that this one is going to be a CGI-headache with dumb jokes surrounded by explosions and rock music...but I guess that's the point. I'm probably in the minority in my hesitation toward this one, but there's a lot of hype surrounding it, and I just don't think it'll meet that hype. I think GI Joe would have been better made as a movie in the 80s or early 90s.

Metacritic's All-Time Worst-Reviewed Films

I've expressed before how the process we go through to form an impression of a movie can sometimes be quite delicate. Seeing a comedy in a full theater and hearing roars of laughter may make a movie funnier than if you were to watch it alone. If the theater malfunctions at some point and alters the sound or picture, or if the same thing happens when watching from the comfort of your home, it can ruin the viewing experience. Watching trailers can sometimes give away too much of a film. And reading reviews or hearing buzz about movies can sometimes give you either high or low expectations before seeing a movie. So many factors can contribute.

As far as movie reviews go, however, I never resort to a single source. The power of averages that Metacritic provides is hard to deny...at least most of the time. Let's take a look at some of the movies that Metacritic has included in it's "Worst-Review Movies," keeping in mind that they use a 100-point scale...

#196: Saving Silverman (Rating: 22) - No Jack Black movie should be included in this list, and that even includes The Neverending Story III and I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. I admit that this movie is one of those comedies that gets funnier the more times that you see it, but some of the reviews are definitely unwarranted, like the ZERO received from The San Francisco Chronicle: "The movie can barely muster the bravery to be even 'Dude, Where's my Car?' stoopid."

#164: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (Rating: 21) - (See above)

#83: Half Baked (Rating: 16) - My question is did movie critics actually expect to be moved by this movie? It's a stoner comedy, lighten up! A ZERO from the Washington Post: "Someone definitely inhaled too much before making this one." Umm...yeah, that's the point broseph.

#80: Billy Madison (Rating: 16) - For this one, let's look at the deserved low-rated movies that are rated ABOVE Billy Madison: #182: Christmas with the Kranks, #172: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, #163: Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, #141: Corky Romano, #139: Digimon: The Movie, #125: Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, and to top it off, #113: Gigli.

I literally just watched this last night because I feel obligated to put it on whenever it's on TV...and 500 viewings later, I was still laughing out loud!

#51: Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist (Rating: 14) - If you haven't seen this one, it's a spoof of martial arts films. It definitely had some dumb parts (like a Matrix-style fight scene with a Cow), but I found it entertaining.

#34: Cocktail (Rating: 12) - No way! Tom Cruise 80's movie starring Elisabeth Shue? How'd this get on here? My own opinions aside, however, I do like the review that the WSJ gave though: "This one could bring back Prohibition."

So what is the ALL-TIME LOWEST REVIEWED MOVIE OF ALL TIME??

#1: Biodome (Rating: 1) - I don't know how this is at #1 because it's the best Pauly Shore movie ever made...oh wait, that's why. Still though...I went to see this movie in the theater for my friend's 10th or 11th birthday party and loved it. Also, Tenacious D made a cameo appearance, so the rating should be boosted atleast 50 points just for that. Honestly though, I couldn't really see a more fitting film to fill in the honor of this title.

Top 10 Funniest Film Cameos (Part 2)

5. Bob Saget - Half Baked

For much of the late 80's and early 90's, most people knew Bob Saget from Full House and America's Funniest Videos as a huge dork. Little did we all know that the joke was on us because over the years, we all realized that Mr. Tanner was as filthy as filthy gets. His dirty humor has been exposed more over the years with comedy specials and such, but for many, there was one shining moment when we all realized that Bob Saget is nothing like the father figure to DJ, Stephanie and Michelle. And that moment came in Half Baked. The scene takes place at a rehab center, where Dave Chappelle gets heckled for the fact that he's there for marijuana. Bob Saget comes in with a couple shocking lines.

4. Charlie Sheen - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

First of all, did you know Charlie Sheen was born Carlos Irwin Estevez? This movie is obviously a classic and I'm sure you are all familiar with the cameo made by Charlie Sheen in this one. It takes place at the police station when Ferris' mother is at the police station because of Ferris' sister. She sits next to a burnt-out looking Charlie Sheen, who proceeds to inquire about why she's there (Drugs?), what her deal with her brother is (Did you blow him away or something?) and after a couple scene changes, we find the two making out. Can you believe that Charlie Sheen made this cameo in the same year that Platoon was released?

3. Jack Black - Anchorman

There were a good number of cameos in this movie (Ben Stiller, Tim Robbins, Vince Vaughn, Luke Wilson), but none were as good as the one made by the one and only Jack Black. This man does not get enough credit for how funny he is. And don't get the wrong idea...I love dogs. In about 70 seconds, Jack Black manages to put out a good handful of memorable quotes as well as probably the most shocking moment of the movie when he punts Ron Burgundy's dog into the river.

2. Anthony Keidis and Flea - Multiple Movies

I had to group these together because these guys not only are members of one of the best bands out there, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but they also are known for some pretty hilarious cameos in a few movies, both individually and collectively.

Starting with Anthony, you may remember he had a small role in the epic Point Break as a member of "The Surf Gang." Keanu was riding on the wrong waves and was met by Anthony and the other BAMF's at the shower for an ass-kicking. As you may remember, Keanu was an undercover cop with Gary Busey and they think this gang is responsible for the robberies, so they go in for the bust, end up shooting Anthony Keidis' foot, and find out they had the wrong suspects.

Moving on to the duo of Anthony and Flea, and connecting them to #4 on this list, Charlie Sheen, you may remember them from a movie called The Chase. The premise of this comedy-thriller is that Charlie Sheen takes a rich girl hostage for a car chase...that's pretty much it. Anthony and Flea play Will and Dale, a couple not-so-bright citizens who felt it was their duty to stop the car chase in their monster truck, but obviously fail in doing so.

And finally, the best cameo of the three belongs to Flea alone for his role as "Nihilist #2, Kieffer" in one of the best movies of all time, The Big Lebowski. He appears in a couple scenes, this one being the main one. By the way, I'd like to thank Kathryn for offering a bunch of old audio casette tapes back a while ago, one of which was just like the tape that the Dude is listening to in this scene, Songs of the Whale.



1. All Cameos in Happy Gilmore

These cameos individually could stand out on their own, but I figured it most appropriate to group them together since they're all in the same movie. Cameos are becoming a signature move for most comedies, especially with the Happy Madison and Judd Apatow groups since there are so many actors associated with each group. Often times, a cameo can become one of the best parts of the movie. In Happy Gilmore, there were multiple cameos that became the best parts of the movie.

I'll start with Kevin Nealon, the "psycho," who tries to give Happy (Adam Sandler) some holistic golfing advice. Interestingly, I noticed his name is "Gary Potter" in the movie, a year before the first Harry Potter book came out. I think J.K. Rowling was harnessing in some good energy.



Next, probably the best known cameo of the movie is with my hero, Bob Barker. This scene with Bob is also probably one of the funniest fight scenes.



Lastly, the best cameo of the movie is interestingly an uncredited role played by Ben Stiller. The handlebar mustache is a key ingredient in what makes the scenes with "Hal," the nursing home orderly, some of the best scenes of the movie. Unfortunately I couldn't find a quality video of my favorite scene so here's the audio:



What I did find was another good scene in quality video. Interestingly, once I sought out for videos of the Happy Gilmore cameos, Hulu had 10 clips, 3 of which contained these cameos. I think that's a testament to the fact that they're sitting at #1 on this list.



Please feel free to comment with your favorite cameos that I may have missed!

Top 10 Funniest Film Cameos (Part 1)

10. Alice Cooper - Wayne's World

Alice Cooper, real name Vincent Damon Furnier, is known for his somewhat scary stage performances in the past. Back in the 60's, he was even involved in an "accidental" incident involving a chicken that came onto stage. How the hell a chicken happened to come on stage is unknown. The story goes that, thinking the chicken could fly, Alice threw the chicken into the crowd; naturally, the fans in the first few rows tore that chicken apart and naturally, tabloids embellished on that incident, noting that Alice tore the chicken's head off and drank its blood in an Ozzy-like fashion. Over the next few decades, Alice Cooper developed the rock theatric show, even employing a magician to help with such acts as their on-stage guillotine. Because of this image that Alice Cooper developed, it was hilarious to see the "real" Alice Cooper when Wayne and Garth met him back stage:



9. Billy Idol - The Wedding Singer

Billy Idol could make a cameo in anything and it'd be awesome...because Billy Idol is awesome. What better movie for it than a comedy set in the 80's involving weddings, a time when Billy was in his prime after releasing the hit single "White Wedding." If you forget the scene, Billy makes an appearance toward the end of The Wedding Singer aboard the plane that Adam Sandler gets on in hopes of stopping Julia from becoming Julia Goolia. Billy is sitting there in first class and after hearing Adam Sandler's story, takes part in helping him execute his plan.

8. Screech - Made

It's not Screech's performance in his very short appearance in the underrated Made, but the role that he plays in the scene. For those who have not seen this film, the plot is that Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn play good friends that get involved in a money laundering scheme in NYC; Favreau is the level-headed guy who's trying to follow the instructions, but he takes the risk of vouching for his obnoxious hothead friend, played by Vaughn. The following video of Screech's cameo is a bit choppy, and I warn you that there is a good handful of F-bombs in it:



7. Rob Van Winkle - TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze

Better known as Vanilla Ice, this cameo wasn't intended to be funny back when this movie was released because it was during the short time that everyone didn't laugh when hearing "Vanilla Ice." In retrospect, however, this cameo is hilarious. Do you remember those dance moves? Souljaboy's got nothin' on the Turtles and Ice. Go Ninja Go Ninja Go! Shredder had to ruin all the fun though when he busted through the speakers all hopped up on secret ooze.



6. Chazz - Wedding Crashers

This is the first cameo of this list that features someone not playing themselves. It's also probably the first cameo that's actually the best part of the entire movie. Will Ferrell enters the movie toward the end of the film as "Chazz," the guy who's still living at his Mom's house crashing funerals and playing with nunchucks. The "meatloaf" yell is priceless. Once again, although not as many f-bombs are dropped as the above video for Made, I must warn you that this video is NSFW:



Stay tuned for the Top 5 tomorrow...

Top 10 "Teacher" Characters in Movies (Part 2)

If you did not get a chance to read my post from yesterday, it was Part 1 of a list I made from what I think consists of the Top 10 "teacher" characters in movies (literally, symbolically, figuratively, whatever, you get the point). Yesterday I posted the the top 5: you can read it here (or just scroll down if you're on the main page...or click on the link on the left side...or just don't read it - it's your life - do what you want). So as promised, here are the top 5:

5. Chubbs Peterson from Happy Gilmore - The fact that a teacher character is played by Carl Weathers automatically means he makes this list. The fact that he plays a one-handed, alligator-hating golf pro turned instructor means he makes the top 5. Not that it's a very common phrase outside of golf, but I can't hear "tap it in" without saying (in my mind or out loud...usually out loud), "just give it a little tappy, tap tap tap a roo" because of one of the exchanges between Chubbs and Happy in this movie.

Sadly, Chubbs dies from falling out of a window in shock after seeing what Happy thought was a nice gesture in getting Chubbs the head of the alligator who took Chubbs' hand. But he lives on in Happy's good thoughts.

4. Mickey from Rocky - Played by the late Burgess Meredith, Mickey is Rocky's trainer. He makes the list because every line he has is awesome:

--You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!
--(To Rocky) Your nose is Broken (How does it look?) Ah, it's an improvement
--Keep hittin' him in the ribs, ya see? Don't let that bastard breathe!
--Women weaken legs.
--You know what you are? (No, what?) A tomato. (A tomato?) Yeah, and I'm running a business here, not a goddamn soup kitchen!
--You're a bum rock, you're a bum.

If lines like that don't inspire you to punch people, I don't know what would.

3. Detective John Kimble from Kindergarten Cop - Get to the choppa!!!! Hearing Arnold impersonations is probably one of the best things that this crazy world has to offer...that is, unless they're coming from the man himself...Ah-nuld. I'm proud of a lot of things that I've accomplished over the years...one of those things: being in Kindergarten when this movie came out. I don't really remember, but it's okay because I definitely appreciate this movie more, 18 years later. You know how I mentioned not being able to take the phrase "tap it in" seriously because of #5, Chubbs? Well it's because of Kindergarten Cop that I can't take the word "tumor" seriously...especially when watching one of the many hospital shows on TV when they figure out, "it's not a tumor." And now, for your viewing pleasure, a compilation of some of Detective Kimble's best lines from the movie:



2. Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid - RIP Pat Morita. This is just a no brainer. Mr. Miyagi is easily one of the best teacher characters from the movies...he's one of the best characters period. Why is this though? Well, I think most of it has to do with the fact that although he can barely speak English, and when he does he sounds like a Japanese George of the Jungle, he still comes off so wise. Like this:

Daniel-san, must talk. Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later...get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do "yes" or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so"...just like grape. Understand?

Hell yea we understand! There's also his subtle sarcasm:

Daniel: Hey, what kind of belt do you have?
Mr. Miyagi: Canvas, JC Penny, $3.98. You like?
Daniel: No, I meant...
Mr. Miyagi: In Okinawa, belt mean no need rope to hold up pants. Daniel-san...(taps head) Karate here...(taps heart) Karate here...(taps belt) Karate never here...understand?

The other thing about him is that he's very calm but once in a while he busts out some ass-kicking moves, only when entirely necessary though...annnd he taught Daniel-san how to defend himself by making him sand his entire deck, wax his cars and paint his fence. And because of all of this, one of the hardest Nintendo games ever made was based on the movie series. But that's just how Miyagis roll: "In Okinawa, all Miyagi know two things: fish and karate."

1. Yoda - You knew this was coming. No elaboration needed.

Top 10 "Teacher" Characters in Movies (Part 1)

Many inspirational films contain a similar element: a character that acts as a teacher (literally or figuratively), a role model, or just a kickass guy with loads of wisdom. I've compiled a Top 10 list of what I think are some of the best characters that fit this description. A couple of these movies are so inspirational that they make guys squirm in their seats trying to act like they're not about to burst in tears (note: a future list that I'll make: Movies that can even make men cry). But most of these movies are ridiculous - either way, these are some great characters:

10. Fortune from Rudy - Ok, so maybe the whole wise janitor/custodian character has been overplayed in after-school specials, but this guy is great. Fortune plays the source of strength and wisdom for Rudy to continue his studies/football at Notre Dame. One of his best lines:

"You're 5 foot nothin'...100 and nothin'...and you hung in with the best college football team in the land for 2 years...and you were also going to walk out of here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life time, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody except yourself...and after what you've gone through, if you haven't done that by now, it ain't gonna never happen..."

After this, Fortune reveals that he used to play for Notre Dame, quit because he thought he was getting benched because of his color, and that a day didn't go by that he didn't regret it. Cue the tears.

9. Roy Munson from Kingpin - Ok, the diversity of this list can begin here - the only tears that anyone would ever shed over this guy would be out of sheer pity...or more likely laughter. Roy (Woody Harrelson) is a bowling pro who gets mixed up with the wrong guy (Bill Murray) and an underground hussling scheme which lands Roy a hook for a hand, an introduction into alcoholism, loss of hair, and an end to his bowling career. This leads him to forcing himself as a mentor for an Amish guy named Ishmael (Randy Quaid), trying to gain a profit from acting as his coach in the pro circuit. Roy makes the list because of the ridiculous dialogue resulting from a down-and-out drunk and an Amish guy with no clue about the real world:

Roy: Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter...It's OK.
Roy: Yeah, well he blessed you too, and I'll give you a hint at what it is: it's round, has three holes, and you put your fingers into it.
Ishmael: You leave Rebecca out of this!

8. Priest Pai Mei from Kill Bill Vol. 2 - Being wise and acting as a master in any type of martial arts usually go hand in hand, which is why Pai Mei had to make the list. Pai Mei is far from the nice, gentle master though - in the first conversation he has with Black Mamba (Uma Thurman), he informs her that because she cannot speak Cantonese, he'll talk to her like a dog, he makes sure that Black Mamba knows that he kills at will, he threatens to chop her arm off, and embarrasses her in a fight. An awesome training montage follows. And oh yea...he has majestic long white hair and a Fu Manchu to match.

7. Louis Stevens from Only The Strong - Many people have not experienced the gem that is this film. You may recognize "Louis Stevens," the martial arts expert named Mark Dacascos as the Iron Chef America chairman. He was also in the movie adaptation of Double Dragon. In my mind, however, I can't see how any of his works could top Only The Strong. The movie is based on the Afro-Brazilian martial art form called "Capoeira," which is a kick-ass dance-fight hybrid. You know the song that Mazda ruined in their commercials: Zoom Zoom? Well it used to be a good song, one of a few good ones that are played during the capoeira sequences in this movie.

Anyway, Stevens plays a Green Beret who returns to his high school as a teacher to find it run by drug dealers and gang lords. He conforms a group of rebels from the school to the art of capoeira, but of course one of the rebels is related to the worst druglord in town, and a final showdown between Stevens and the druglord becomes the climax. Bad acting + ridiculous plot + coincidental town-wide knowledge of an obscure fighting form + awesome fighting + awesome music = great movie.

6. Dewey Finn from School of Rock - This movie is highly coincidental in that a down-and-out wannabe rock enthusiast (Jack Black) just happens to fraudulently sub in a classroom full of young musical prodigies, therefore enabling him to mold them into a band. But we can look past that. Jack Black, a musician himself in real life, shows his humorous musical talent in this film, teaching the entire class to damn the man, one of life's great lessons.

To be continued...look for the Top 5 tomorrow...

5 Comic Book Characters That Shouldn't Get A Movie

With the success of superhero/supervillain movies expanding, directors should and are looking to jump on the bandwagon and find a great character to base a movie on. Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, X-men, and Iron Man were the easy choices...most people had heard of them before the movies came out because they are some of the most popular. The bigger challenge is finding the villains or other heroes to include in the movie - The Joker is obviously proving to be one of the better choices.

Here are some superheroes and villains that probably should not go to the movies:

• Squirrel Girl - I don't really need to elaborate on this one but I will. She was introduced alongside Iron Man in the comics. First, she tries to impress Iron Man so he will team up with her but fails in doing so (big surprise), but then Dr. Doom comes out of nowhere, captures Iron Man in a large ship, and Squirrel Girl summons the deadly force of every squirrel in the area to attack the ship until Dr. Doom concedes. I admit that a controlled pack of hundreds of squirrels coming at me would scare the hell out of me, but the "coolness" factor of squirrels is pretty low.
  
• Calculator - I know, I know...the mere name makes me shake in my boots too. I'll cut some slack to DC Comics considering this character was created soon after the pocket calculator was created, but I don't see any evil iPhone supervillains popping up nowadays. The ability of this character is pretty impressive: through a computer in his suit, he can predict the actions of anyone or anything. The downfall: his suit looks like a giant calculator. Nerd Alert! Unsurprisingly, when he made a small comeback in 2004, his suit had been retired.
  
• Looter - The stupidity of this character has to be intentional. An unsuccessful scientist, Norton G. Fester stumbled upon a meteor that had crashed into earth, and after studying the meteor, a pocket of meteor gas gave him his super-strength. It wasn't a constant power though - he needed to find more meteor gas in order to keep his powers. First of all, I'm pretty sure "meteor gas" doesn't exist. Second of all, basing your powers on being able to find something as rare as "meteor gas" is bound to fail - it's like driving a plutonium-powered time machine.
• Aquaman - If you're a fan of the show Entourage, you probably know that Vince lands a role playing Aquaman in a film. The intent was that they could portray him as an actor landing a hit role in a superhero film...without showing the actual film. Because I don't care if you're Brad Pitt...you ain't lookin' cool in a mer-man costume.
  
• Ruckus - The only cool things about this guy are that one of his partners in crime was called Ramrod and his song could be "Bring da Ruckus" by Wu-Tang Clan. Other than that, he'd just be really annoying because his power is the ability to absorb surrounding sound waves and send them back with force. A guy that yells so loud that it hurts...nobody wants to watch that.